The Beginning of my Education

I woke up this morning with my final semester results and I got 2 As and 1 A- for my specialisation modules (only took 3 mods this sem). To my surprise, I did way better than I expected! I can finally graduate in peace, with a second upper (which is also attained by a close shave because I did pretty badly at the start of my university journey).

How often does this happen? Getting better results than expected? Wow, for me, not really. This led me to reflect on my personal outlook towards education, and how it has changed over time.

Let me share a little about myself — I was never someone who excelled in school, or anything actually. I always had the mindset that being “average” is good enough. As long as I’m not at the bottom, I can always sleep in peace knowing that “I’m not the worst in class, mom”. Without fail, she will always respond with “Why do you always compare to those who are doing worse than you? How about those doing better?”. I’m sure this sounds familiar to many people. You can’t begin to imagine how many times I’ve heard people quote their moms on this. (Do they all read this from the same parenting guide or what?).

With that being said, this mindset made me become a fairly mediocre person. A fairly mediocre person who later in life, I realised that I did not want to be.

Growing up, I was always on the other end of the spectrum. After an exam, I’d think to myself, “Wow that paper was hard. Fingers crossed, I won’t do too badly”. More often than not, the results will always go against my favor and I’ll be really demoralised after. I’ll roll my eyes at friends who often sandbag and say things like “It was so hard! I’ll fail.” but end up doing better than anyone else. I remember vividly that I asked myself, “why does this never happen to me LOL”. While saying all these, I must add a disclaimer: “Doing well” is subjective. And “working hard” is subjective as well.

Forget my years in Primary school, Secondary school and Junior College. I admit that I wasn’t the best student, and was definitely not the brightest as well. I made it through by being “average”, and still managed to get into National University of Singapore (NUS). However, this strategy began to fall apart in my years in NUS.

Everyone in University is extremely competitive. Being the eldest child in my entire extended family, I was the first to attend University. I felt like I was being thrown into the ocean, without knowing how to swim. I had few senior friends that I could reach out to as I did not join faculty camps and activities; there were not much guidance I can get. I really didn’t know what to expect. Furthermore, I was in hall, so I pretty much prioritised “having fun” in my first year. For many, that was the plan. For me, I just followed the crowd with absolutely no plan in mind, hoping that I’ll be able to “scrape through” university life with my “average” scores.

First two years were pretty hard, academically. I began to realise I wasn’t doing great and it is not normal among my circle of friends/peers. “B” in University is “average” but it brings your overall CAP down to a second lower, and that’s not fantastic. (I initially thought I did “not bad” but upon hearing my peers discuss about grades etc, I realised I ain’t doing so well)

For those who have attended Secondary School and JC in Singapore, you will feel somewhat desensitised to bad grades for internal school examinations. Because “fret not, school examinations are intentionally made harder than O levels and A levels”. However, University was a big awakening slap on the face. No second chances, no time to “catch up”, just 13 weeks and that’s it. It’s a whole different ball game that demands consistency.

For those of you who don’t know about the 7 stages of grief; first stage is denial. I denied that grades were important to me. Ok fine, till today, I still don’t believe that grades are absolutely important in the real world and success is way more multi-faceted than that. However, it was my pathetic attempt to console myself (there, there).

In order to back myself up with the above stance and create a coherent story for my lacklustre grades, I hurried to look for other aspects that I can groom myself in and to stand out. I can’t graduate with being a mediocre person, with bad grades, can I? So I went to look for jobs/internships and other extra-curricular experiences (which led me to my interest in entrepreneurship, product management and marketing).

Hmm looking back, it seems like I self-rationalised, followed by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (all the big no nos you learn in cognitive bias books) :) My thoughts then was: in any case, if my results plummet, I can always use that as an excuse. So smart of me!

Oh dear, looking back, I’m actually wondering why didn’t I just work harder in my studies, like a normal person would when they see their bad results on a results slip. 🤦‍♀️ Honestly I have no idea where this little reflection will take me.

Indeed, you caught me. I do feel embarrassed talking about my attitude and outlook towards my education life. However, I would say that there are no regrets. Precisely because of these reasons, I pushed myself to experience things beyond the usual studying route. I took on leadership, community service roles, and signed up for multiple internships in various startups; I joined an NUS-led entrepreneurship program; all to to ascertain the fact that I do not want a normal and mediocre education. And this provided me with new perspectives and world-views. Wow, elaborate plan right? :”) Well, I did not know what I was doing and it’s all based on hindsight.

Within the last 2 semesters, I significantly pulled up my CAP and managed to secure second upper, from a low second lower. I had to, and managed to ace all my remaining modules after returning from the NOC program (the modules I took in the program also helped to pull up my grades, so thank you).

And all these got me wondering — what’s changed? Did I study harder? Studied more? Found a new method of studying? Why couldn’t I have done well from the start and spare myself from all this misery and insecurity?

For the last 2 semesters, I have been doing a part-time internship. Hence, it’s impossible I had more time to study for my exams, nor did I spend more time actually studying (i know it for a fact lols). But my attitude significantly changed. I was fighting hard to be less mediocre, to be different, to gain perspective, and take everything as a learning opportunity. Yes, I am still not “prioritising studies” but the change in overall attitude reverberated into everything else I do. I think at this point, I have fully accepted and embraced that I don’t have to do well in school (7th stage of grief). And this immensely helped me to realise that sometimes, to solve a problem, the answer is not necessarily the most obvious one.

Side track: this reminds me of a story — A father who owns 17 camels have just died. In his will, he stated that the eldest son should get 1/2 of 17 camels, the middle son should be given 1/3 while the youngest son should be given 1/9th of the 17 camels. Impossible to divide 17 by any of those numbers, it led to a dispute among the brothers. An old man came to help solve the issue by loaning them one camel — the 18th camel. With 18 camels, they were able to split the camels evenly, with the remaining of 1 camel. Hence, the old man was able to get back his loaned camel, while solving the dispute between the brothers. Just some lesson about innovative problem solving hehe.

Back to topic: Perhaps my outside experience trained me to think more critically and have a stronger marketing/business intuition. And all these translated to my studies. As I did significantly better in my 2nd last semester, I had this hypothesis that I tend to perform better in school, while interning on the side (my internship experience was very valuable and motivating as it allowed me to work on real-life projects and create value and impact). To prove this hypothesis, I did it again in the previous semester and it has proven to be effective. The benefits from work transcends beyond just “marketing/business” modules, but even my electives. I suppose with this source of motivation and experience, I was able to absorb information/theories better, connect the dots quicker and contextualise knowledge much effortlessly. So studying harder =/= better results. Sometimes, things are more sophisticated than that. Perhaps you need something to change your mind and your attitude towards studying. Perhaps you need another source of motivation, etc.

This article is not about flexing my grades (the outcome), because I don’t kid myself. Second upper isn’t the best, and I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. I’m not that delusional. But rather, I’m flexing the fact that I have finally understood something about myself, that I can takeaway for my future self. In no way I think I am qualified or successful enough to be sharing my story and advising others, but just more of a trip down memory lane and how I made it through this 4 years. There is definitely a lot of hindsight bias involved here as well.

But I’ll allow myself to flex since it’s the end of my academic life, and the beginning of my education.

Key takeaways from my studying years is that:

1. It’s not great to hide behind excuses. But when you look at it from another angle, you can weave it into a bigger fabric that fits your narrative: If you know you don’t have a competitive advantage in ABC, then pick something else! You pick your own battles and do it on your own terms. It may seem like an excuse; but an excuse is only just an excuse until you turn the situation around and it becomes reality. Something believable. On your quest to seek for an excuse, you often come up with creative solutions that leads you to treasure.
2. You get better at what you do, naturally: You don’t need a head start, or to already be doing well to end up doing well (Gosh, what a mouth full). A lot of your experiences are incremental. You may not see the tangible results right away, but it affects your thought process etc, which has a long-term compounded effect that helps you achieve your goals indirectly.
3. Find your source of motivation: studying harder =/= better results. Things are often more complex than that. Throw me a book and ample time but nothing will enter my head. Perhaps what is required is something that can change your mind and attitude towards studying or the subject of your study. Remember the 18th camel story.

Everyone’s strategy may be different and different ways work for different people. You do you. Someone who’s studying really technical stuff may not find this applicable. Or if you are already a genius, then I guess you shouldn’t seek my advice LOLs!

I don’t expect nor wish for anyone to read this article. Because, it’s quite embarrassing. But if anyone happens to do so, I just want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with being mediocre. Firstly, nobody is, or can be exceptional in everything. So stop thinking that there’s just too much to catch up on in order break out of mediocracy; because there isn’t. There is no barrier of entry. Your first step of breaking out mediocracy is just to find one thing you want to be exceptional in. Then work on that. Things will significantly improve and fall in place like magic. Next, there is no definitive thing that says you are a mediocre person. Not your career choice, not your choice of spouse, not your stock picks. It is about how you excel in what you do, and how you let your mindset and attitude reverberate in everything you do.